First Grade I had a nun for my teacher, and even though she was very nice I wasn't able to ask her to let me use the bathroom. If I went to the door and waited as my signal to go, I was afraid she wouldn't know what I was doing and I would get in trouble for walking around or she would be confused and asking me what I wanted and I would be on the spot until she finally guessed what I needed. So I just didn't go, which naturally caused a few embarassing moments for me. I never actually spoke to Marie, but I would whisper animal sounds, like barking or meowing, to her. I've read that a lot of SM kids find it easier to make sounds and work up to talking over time. The more I learn about SM, the more annoyed I get with my school - I could have been well on my way to being a 'normal' kid, but instead I was punished for what I didn't do rather than being rewarded for what I did. I was threatened in many ways to try to get me to talk. One was being told that God would take away my ability to talk if I didn't use it. But I knew I talked at home, so I wasn't too afraid of this. I was also told I would be sent to a 'special school'. This really did scare me, both because I was comfortable, if not happy, where I was, and because I didn't want to be labeled 'stupid' (my view of a 'special school' has changed since I was younger). My mom told me that I would NOT be sent to one of these schools. I would often go up to classmates and hug them. I think it was the looks of horror and disgust, as if they were saying, "How dare someone like YOU touch me!", that made me eventually avoid all physical contact. I find myself automatically apologizing to anyone I bump into today, even people who bump into me. Even one second of contact makes me feel sorry for whoever the other person is. In gym class, when we would have to form a circle and hold hands with the people next to us, I would wait for that person to take my hand, so they could switch with someone else if they wanted. A lot of people did, too. Even today, when I'm at work or something and someone gives me a hug, I'm surprised that they actually choose to do that. People spent years trying to get away from me, but now people I work with actually choose to be close to me. It still seems bizarre in my mind. Previous | Next
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